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SPOTLIGHT ON MOM-- Latrivia Nelson

Midsouthmoms.com “Spotlight on Mom” – Latrivia Nelson

Latrivia Nelson of Memphis is proud to be labeled by some people as a quintessential “modern” woman. “I think that women can have it all. Tapping into as many of our skills and gifts as possible, makes us happier and more knowledgeable people and more productive citizens.” She’s a full-time student working on her Ph.D. in criminal justice, works full-time at a Memphis public relations firm as an Account Services Specialist, has penned and published a romantic novel, juggles challenges of an interracial marriage, and stays busy with her family (children Jordan, 5, and Tierra, 21 months, and husband Adam Nelson, a U.S. Marine). She recently took time to answer questions from Midsouthmoms.com:

If you work outside the home, brief career info: (title, company, years employed, where you work now): Account Services Specialist, The Carter Malone Group. I’ve been employed here for nearly four (4) months. We relocated to Memphis in late April from Camp Lejeune, NC. My husband is preparing to medically retire from the United States Marine Corps. However, I have been in public relations and marketing for over 10 years.

Who (or what) instilled this sense of “I can have it all” in you?
It’s funny what words stick in your head as a child. When I was little, I was often told that I could do anything. Eventually, I started to believe it.

Do you have any insecurities whether work-related, or being a mom?
The world around me creates a relenting urgency in my position as a mother. Stay away from drugs. Don’t talk to strangers. Listen to the teacher. Pray before bed. Pull your pants up. I worry that I’m not teaching them enough and yet I feel that I overload them with information.

What’s been the most challenging time of your life?
In 2006, right before giving birth to our daughter, I received a call from the United States Marine Corps telling me that my husband was severely injured while serving in Iraq. What they did not tell me was that he had broken his back while under attack, been bombed by an IED, saved his Lt.’s life, suffered a concussion and nearly lost his own life and any promise of seeing the daughter that we had long hoped for. His recovery was long and hard. Being the mom of a new born, a young son who wanted so badly to be like his father and a wife to man who had always been an athlete, it was hard to change over to caretaker. Plus, Marines try to give orders, even from the hospital bed. We made it through, but it was one of the most trying times of my entire life.

If you had one wish, what would it be?
I’d wish that every Marine and service member who served our country in war would return home to proper physical and mental health care, loving families and appreciation from citizens.

What advice would you give other working moms trying to balance job and family?
Make some time for yourself. Meditate, work out, read, shop, sing or dance. Do something that creates inspiration in your own life. It keeps you going and keeps you stimulated.

What’s the one thing you promised yourself you’d never do when you had kids that you find yourself doing?
I promised myself that I would never do the “full name angry call.” My mom would say, “Latrivia Shante Artis!” It was so annoying.

What’s the best advice your mom ever gave you?
Don’t plant seeds in your life that you don’t want to harvest.

Biggest pet peeve:
The blame game. I hate it. People should take responsibility for their actions. It’s the only thing that they have any control over in this life.

Has being a mom changed you?
Being a mom has given me a profound sense of self. I feel so alive and so determined.

Who are you supporting in the upcoming Presidential election, and why?
I am a proud supporter of Barack Obama. He is a charismatic, knowledgeable and trustworthy leader capable of leading our country out of its current deficit and its domestic and foreign turmoil. Without a doubt, his policies protect the American family’s interests.

What first attracted you to a career in criminal justice?
I believe that everyone should diversify their skill sets. So, when I finished my MBA, I knew that I wanted to continue my education, but I was not sure in what field. My husband Adam and my friends Cash, Gunns, Jackson and Nolen (MPD finest) along with other law enforcement professionals close to me were very instrumental in helping me understand how critical the criminal justice discipline is to our society. My passion for the field has always been there, so I felt that the next step of my educational journey would be to obtain in Ph.D. in Criminal Justice. Now, at only a year and half from completion, I feel empowered by the entire experience.

In what ways do you consider yourself to be a “modern” woman?
I believe that women should not only be great mothers, wives, sisters and daughters, but they should also be great in the roles that they take on outside of the home, and those roles should be equally as important in their lives.

Leadership is instilled into both of my children equally and already I see it taking form in their independent nature and their problem-solving skills.

I also try to lead by example with them and my baby sister, Loria, who is learning about leadership as a student at University of Memphis. I tell her and my children that we should continue vying for the top jobs not only in public office but also in public corporations, private businesses, non-profits, local and national government, and in civic and religious organizations.

We should continue to shatter the glass ceiling and unite in our efforts to help create a safer and more harmonious environment for our families. These concepts of equality have emerged through the decades, and women in my age group are the benefactors.

Our independence as women and more importantly moms is won by our war on socioeconomic inequality, knowledge through higher education and our ability to manage our emotional and physical health all while wearing great stilettos, killer purses and masterful make up, changing diapers, cooking dinner in a Prada outfit that matches our running shoes that we plan to use in between stockholder meetings, teaching ABCs, coffee at Starbucks, saving the world and planning a romantic vacation with hubby. It’s call having it all!

Are you one of those perfect moms with the perfectly clean house, all home-cooked meals, children who never whine?
Those kinds of people don’t really exist do they? Wow! No, I’m not a perfect mom. My house is pretty clean, but every once in a while, it can get out of control! We eat out as much as I cook and my children whine and laugh. We have a structured home, but it’s also fun. We tend to try to relax as a family and release stress at home. One thing that I try to stress to my children is that it is okay to be happy or sad, but in the process of your emotions, you will respect others.

What's the most challenging aspect of being a mom (or working mom)?
With every opportunity there is an opportunity cost. My cost is wondering if the time that I spend furthering my own personal goals and aspirations taking away from the time that I give my family. I have a great job that allows me to stay very connected with my family. So, I’m very blessed. However, I wonder if being away from the home takes something away from them. On the other hand, I know that as independent and driven as I am, I would be miserable if I didn’t have something of my own. So, the questions will always be there, but I’m willing to live with that.

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?
I run when I’m overwhelmed. I’m not a great runner. My stride could be better and my long-distance time is awful, but there is something so relaxing about getting on a beautiful track field feeling your body push itself physically as hard as mentally you push it on a daily basis. I feel like I’m glowing afterwards. All stress, all external and internal conflict is put on hold. I love it.

Have you had a worst “working-mom” moment?
Yes. When I worked as an instructor at Cape Fear Community College in Wilmington, NC, I was pregnant and irritable. I would pack my husband’s lunch for him and pack my son’s lunch for headstart. Well, this particular day, I was rushing, because I was administering mid-semester test. I packed my son a horrible lunch that included boiled eggs, tuna sandwich, protein shake mix and a Power bar. My husband’s lunch was dried cereal, lunchable, and carrots. I got a call from my husband and my son saying that they were not happy. After the tests were done, I realized that I had also forgotten to order my son’s birthday cake, which I had promised him for months.

What would your perfect day-off look like (schedule-wise)?
Morning: Drop kids off at school and babysitter
Go to a much needed Yoga Class
Mid-Morning: Brunch
Afternoon: Massage at Gould’s Day Spa
Late Afternoon: Slip off to movie theatre and eat lots of buttered popcorn
Shopping for antiques and cool old books
Evening: Pick kids up
Everyone has dinner together

If you had more time (hours in the day) how would you spend it?
I’m a full-time student working on my Ph.D. in criminal justice. I have a full-time career. I have two rambutious and beautiful children who need my full attention. And I have a husband that I presently works out of D.C. but will one day be here full-time. If I had more time, I’d like to spend it with my family. However, I’m certain that I would spend it in the car.

Hobbies?
I love collecting old books. I have about 300 books total right now and about 75 of them were printed before 1950. It’s amazing to read how the social perspective changes over the course of a few decades.

Do you have a secret you never told your parents?
Yes! And I’m not going to tell you because they read MidSouth Moms and they would still kill me!

What inspires you?
Great music inspires me, great art, great architecture, and great people.

What is something people would be surprised to learn about you?
Most people would be surprised to know that my professional aspirations include: Top PR agent, Top Cop (Sex Crimes), Top Professor (Criminal Justice) and Best-Selling Author (Romance Novels). I’ve got a long way to go, but it’s my goal to achieve all of them.

Have you had any regrets about your life so far? (something you would do over again, wish you hadn’t done, etc).
While I was a junior in college, I skipped out on an opportunity to go to Paris one summer with a really close friend. I told her that I would go with her after graduation, because that particular summer I was interning. The summer after graduation, I cancelled again and that fall she passed away. I’ll never get that time back, and it really bothers me.

With fall here, are there any fall or holiday traditions you and your kids look forward to?
During the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, the kids and I really decorate the house. It’s a time for cinnamon sticks and candles, a holiday wreath for the door, fun fall colors, pumpkins and elves, coco and fake snow (we lived 5 minutes from the beach for three years, so fake snow was a must). It’s the culmination of another successful year and we like to go out with a bang!

What’s your favorite thing to do with your kids?
Movie night at the house is our favorite thing to do with the kids. Taking my daughter to the movies can be a real nightmare. However, when we do movie night at the house, the food tab is less than $100 dollars; we have prime seating and the ability to rewind when someone has to potty. It’s great!

What is the best advice you have ever received about how to be a good mom and/or balancing work and family?
Control it, don’t let it control you!

What’s the worst advice your mom ever gave you?
“You’ll get over it.” It wasn’t a man that she was referring to it was a dog. She sold Sasha (Rottweiler) when I was a teenager. I didn’t understand that she was getting old and needed a lot less hectic life than living with us. She went and lived with my godfather and my best friend. It was a sad day. I never did get over it.

What’s one thing you did growing up that you hope your child never finds out?
When I was a young girl, I used to make faces behind my mom’s back when she was scolding me. It gave me a sense of control. Now, I understand that making faces is what keeps you grounded. Just ask my son.

Did your mom work while you were growing up? What did she do?
Yes, my mom worked. She ran the security department of a casino for the most of my childhood.

Do you exercise? How do you fit it in?
I truly believe in exercising. I think about it more than I do it these days. I get to the track field or gym about three times a week. This is not so good for a woman who wants to save the world. Normally, I go before I pick the kids up from the sitter or on the weekends. I plan to do more now that Jordan is in school.

How often do you sit down for meals with your kids?
While we get a lot of carryout meals from the local restaurants, we make a habit of eating together every night with the occasional exception (out of town, sleep over or sick). It’s a great bonding process.

What was the last good book you read?
I’m reading a great book now. It’s called Voices of Tomorrow by Edwin Bjorkman. It was published in 1913. I’m comparing it to Barak Obama’s The Audacity of Hope published in 2006.

What’s your most embarrassing moment with your children?
Trying to teach Jordan the National Anthem. My voice was so bad he covered his ears and my daughter laughed non-stop.

What’s your favorite indulgence?
Chocolate-covered Godiva Strawberries, great bottle of Merlot, hot bubble bath, scented candles all while watching the Family Guy in the peace and quiet with no one to interrupt me laughing obnoxiously in the bathroom.

Any funny stories you’d like to share?
The first time that I realized that I was “old” to my son was when he asked me if I was turning 100 years old on my birthday. I immediately went out and bought Oil of Olay in bulk.

Any brushes with celebrities?
I’ve met so many celebrities because of my field. I’ve met Chris Tucker, 112, briefly met President Mandela, sat by President Clinton, met Barak Obama in Greenville, NC, Mike Epps, Joaquin Phoenix, Venus Williams, Pau Gasol, Danny Glover, Morgan Freeman, Al Green, Russell Simmons, Cameron, Vivica Fox, Cole Hauser, Robert Patrick, Mark McGwire, Bono, and quite a few others.

If you could meet one celebrity, any celebrity, who would it be? Why?
If I could meet any celebrity, it would be Michelle Obama. I haven’t had the opportunity to cross paths with her yet. While she’s not the traditional celebrity, she’s a person that I admire greatly and find to be truly inspiring because of her will and her spirit. Plus, she’s a mom, like all of us, working hard to keep her family together through one of the most testing parts of their lives.

Dumbest Ebay purchase:
Afro wig for a 70’s theme party.

What's your favorite past time?
My favorite past time is writing. I love to write. I’ve written a romance called Ivy’s Twisted Vine that did exceptionally well both here in the states and abroad. Writing opens my mind and allows me to use all the useless and useful information that I acquire on a daily basis in one collective body of work.

Tell me about your love of writing, and the book you wrote. (Also, please share about your second book.. and future books) Do you pull from real life experiences in your writing? Do you pull from your experience being a mom? I’ve been writing short stories since I was four years old. There is something so very calming and fantastic about writing. You are the architect of a completely different world that you not only design but control. I love that, both because it gives me a creative rush, and because I am a complete control freak!

I wrote a few plays in high school and novellas in college. However, I wanted to complete a published project to culminate my time in undergraduate school at LeMoyne-Owen College. I started the book as a freshman, but I retooled it as a junior, because I felt that I could write a more complex plot.

Ivy’s Twisted Vine is an interracial romance set in the assassination place of Dr. Martin Luther King. In a way, it celebrates the process of evolving into a more tolerant society, and yet it clearly addresses the fact that there is so much work left to do. I say that as a woman in an interracial marriage and the mother of an interracial child. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE WORK TO DO!

Ivy’s Twisted Vine is such a complex story. It’s about a young African-American college woman (Ivy) who has life by the horns and is engaged to the most powerful bachelor in Memphis. He is the mayor’s son and vying to take his uncle’s seat in the U. S. House of Representatives as Congressman of his district. However, he breaks up with Ivy because of his own insecurities during their wedding planning. She then falls for the mayor’s top cop, who also happens to be Italian. The question later becomes who is the father of her child – the mayor’s son or the cop. So, this triangle between the young ambitious woman, the mayor’s son and the Italian cop produces an intriguing tale that highlights the woes behind promiscuity, unprotected sex, ambition, lies and scandal. It’s a great story, but the plot is completely fictional. I highlighted those positions because they are highly scrutinized and watched by the public. In that sense, it added a great deal of authenticity. However, the characters are not based on the actual people in those current positions.

My husband actually pushed me to finish Ivy’s Twisted Vine after both kids were born, which helped because the story was suppose to have a young, single, carefree tone to the first part of the book and then develop a sense of obligation to others as the storyline progressed (much like life). So, you can feel the complexity of the characters come to life as you keep reading, especially when there is a discovery of twins in the book

My next book is due out in stores in March of 2009. It’s called The Pitcher’s Curve Ball, and it’s also a love story based in Memphis, TN, but it’s different because there is no twisted love triangle. This book delves right into motherhood from the first page of the book and captures the story of a military widow who is strong, awesome but incredibly lonely.

There is an introduction of a new man into her life and the basis of the story is that in order to find happiness you first have to know who you are, because that person is not there to complete you but to enhance what you already offer. It’s a great book, because it doesn’t glorify or berate the single mother, but it does a great job of highlighting the idiosyncrasies of one mother’s life that make her beautiful, wonderful and real. My experience as a military wife and with military wives made me want to write about their burdens.

When I write, the thing that is true about all my books is the emotion. The characters don’t have to be true, but every emotion that I write about in a book from love to feelings of loss is written from my experiences. Often, when I am hurting or extremely happy, I write to capture that emotion in its truest sense to later translate into a story.

What are your dreams for the coming year? The next 5 years?
I hope in the next year, my son does an excellent job in school at Shady Grove Elementary. I hope my husband is transferred back home to be with his family. My second book will be out at the first of 2009. I hope that it does well and is well received by fans I hope that in the next five years, I’m finished with my Ph.D. and teaching criminal justice to eager students, my daughter is doing well in first grade, Adam and I are moving closer to retirement with a sound financial plan, four more books are on bookshelves by Latrivia S. Nelson, my husband’s first non-fiction book about war vets is on shelves and our family is happy, healthy and prosperous in all of our endeavors.

TOP PICKS:

Favorite book: Ivy’s Twisted Vine by Latrivia S. Nelson

Favorite children’s book: King Bidgood's in the Bathtub

Favorite beauty product: Oil of Olay Regenerist

Favorite movie: Little Women

Favorite recreational activity: Playing Dodge Ball, Soccer and Tennis

Favorite music: Latin Jazz

Favorite TV show: Family Guy, Anderson Cooper 360 (it’s a toss up)

Favorite timesaving tip: Write it down before it’s time to do it, or you’ll forget it.

Favorite de-stress technique: Running until the sweat drowns you. You really glow afterwards.

Best tip for stopping a whining child or curbing a temper tantrum: Talk slow, low and stern. Make eye contact and don’t show fear.

Favorite product you couldn’t live without: Purell Hand Sanitizer

Favorite money-saving tip: Take out what you want to spend for the week and put it in your purse. Take the credit cards, bank cards and check book out of your purse and leave it at home.

Favorite recipe: Romantic Night at Home Chicken Marsala

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, pounded thin
flour, spread on a plate
1/4 cup olive oil
1/2 pound of mushrooms
1/2 cup Marsala wine
2 tablespoons of butter
1/2 cup chicken broth
Salt and Pepper to taste


1. Heat olive oil in large saute pan over medium-high heat.
2. When the oil is hot, dredge both sides of the chicken breasts in flour, shake off excess flour and place in pan. Saute chicken, turning once, until lightly browned on both sides. Transfer the chicken to a warm plate.
3. Drain all but a little bit of the oil and add mushrooms. Saute the mushrooms until they begin to release their juices.
4. Add the Marsala wine, and scrape loose with a wooden spoon all browning residues on the bottom and sides of the pan.
5. Add butter, chicken broth, salt and pepper. Cook until the liquid is reduced by half, approximately 5 minutes.
6. Place the chicken breasts back in the pan and cook until heated through. Transfer the chicken breasts to warm serving plates, pour sauce over them and serve.



If you would like to nominate Latrivia Nelson for our Most Beautiful Mom Contest, click here